Curiouser and Curiouser

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle”.
–Alice in Wonderland

I haven’t written here for ages. Not for want of wanting to . . . but more because I just wasn’t sure what to say. I find myself now at that great crossroads in life – barreling towards my 50th birthday, with children who closer to being adults than kids, a body that is starting to show its age, and the realization that in a few short years, these teenagers of mine will have fled the nest, leaving just the Husband and I to create the next iteration of our lives.

To be clear, I’m not exactly thrilled about all of this. As a survivor of a brain tumor, I know better than to take any day for granted, and that it is truly a great privilege to have the opportunity to grow older; something that wasn’t guaranteed when I was first diagnosed 15 years ago. But, this whole getting older thing kinda stinks. I was made painfully aware of this as I tried to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend. Turns out, running a 5K, 10K and half marathon over the course of three days at this age and stage requires more training / stretching./ pre-hab than was required a decade ago – and I have a torn calf muscle I’m desperately trying to rehab to prove it.

As this year has sped by (although the speed with which time seems to be passing is in direct opposition to the fact that it feels like we’ve been locked in an eternal winter), its seems fortuitous that the word I chose for myself was “Curious”.

The idea for my word came when we were visiting England last spring. Re-visiting the river where Lewis Carroll first composed Alice in Wonderland renewed my love for the book, and its themes of growing up, identity and following one’s curiosity. On that same trip, we also visited the home of Ted Lasso, the show behind my one of my all-time favorite quotes:

“Be curious not judgmental”
–Ted Lasso

I find it particularly apt that this quote was penned by two female advice columnists who offered these words of wisdom to a reader who had written in to ask for advice on how to deal with their teenage daughter. It’s so easy to make snap judgements – of our kids, ourselves, strangers – I know I do it all the time – when pausing to ask “why” might clear things up in a much nicer and calmer way . . .

As much as I love this quote, as I researched what others have said about curiosity, I was surprised to see how many times curiosity was brought up in opposition to fear. While curiosity can create “possibilities and opportunities” (Roy T. Bennett), serve as “the engine of achievement” (Ken Robinson), more importantly,

“Curiosity will conquer more fear than bravery will”
-James Stephens

Which brings me back to where I started all this. If given a choice in any given circumstance, I’ll likely choose fear (and to react from a place of fear) over curiosity. I hope that as I walk this year with the concept of “Curiosity” as my north star, I’ll start to open up to the wonderful possibilities that curiosity can bring, and leave the fear, and the unwanted circumstances fear creates, behind.