I got the official word late on Wednesday night after spending a good chunk of the day down at Toronto Western. I can’t begin to tell you the flood of emotion that washed over me when I saw the email come through from my neurosurgeon that started with the words “Good news”. As there has been no re-growth of the tumour since the surgery, I can now be considered “cured”, and can start having MRI’s on a far less frequent basis (like every 2 years).
It’s taken a few days to fully accept and internalize this amazing news. I haven’t celebrated, I haven’t done anything wild and crazy, in fact, I haven’t even really shared the news with people. Instead I’ve found myself drawn towards playing with the kids and quietly working on my garden.
It’s a funny thing to think that the tumour will no longer cast a shadow on my life. Since the day I was diagnosed, I’ve consciously and subconsciously constantly considered the idea “what if I’m not here”. It’s affected how and what I do with my kids and with the Husband – like the fact that the Husband and I have never been away from the kids for more than a night – how can you leave your kids for longer than that when you’ve dealt with the concept of your own mortality and not always being there for them?
But at the same time, the experience of having the tumour and of “surviving” has pushed me to find ways to better my life so that I know I am doing as much as I can to ensure that I’m not faced with any other health crises in the future. I’ve been beyond fortunate to have some absolutely unbelievable people come into my life at the exact time that I’ve needed them . . .like the Coach . . . who patiently taught me what real strength is and how to properly nourish myself so that I, and my family, can stay health (THANK YOU, Coach!!!!).
And so I find myself today in a place where I can again dream about the future. I can start letting go, imagining how the kids are going to grow and change, what kind of people they are going to turn into, and maybe even contemplating a few days away with just the husband.
While there are so many parts of the last five years that I’d like to forget (the fear, the tears, the dark moments), there are just as many parts that I’d like to celebrate. And there’s so much that I’ve learned along this journey that I’d like to share with others, with you. And hopefully I am doing that, if only just a little bit, though this blog.
And on that note, I’m off to get the kids from school, to do homework, to play, and to make dinner, to have my regular Monday night “night” with the moms on my street, all the amazingly ordinary stuff of life that I am so grateful to be able to do.