I haven’t been writing much lately. Partly because the last 10 days have been a merry-go-round of commitments both for the kids and the adults. Partly because I’ve been feeling the pressure of the season to go out and BUY! And partly because I’ve been busy mentally filing away and letting go (once and for all) of the craziness of the last decade or so . . .
Last Wednesday, I had my quarterly checkup with my endocrinologist. These appointments, as I may have mentioned about a million times before, terrify me. Whether it’s the doctor’s demeanour, the fact that I feel like a human science experiment to him (I get it, having 2 unrelated tumours in my head in a span of 5 years may be medically inexplicable, but sometimes, we just have bad luck), or the fact that he tends to be very negative about my prospects (“Well, you’re fine for now. Let’s check again in another 3 months”) . . .it all sets me on edge.
But at my appointment last Wednesday, the doctor was positively . . . well, positive. I got sent away with instructions not to come back for 6 months and after my MRI in June, confirmation that I don’t need another MRI for 3 years.
In other words . . . I am really and truly tumour free.
But then on Sunday morning, the epiphany hit me. And by epiphany, I mean it in the truest sense of the word:
“An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, “manifestation, striking appearance”) is an experience of sudden and striking realization. Generally the term is used to describe scientific breakthrough, religious or philosophical discoveries, but it can apply in any situation in which an enlightening realization allows a problem or situation to be understood from a new and deeper perspective.”
I AM REALLY AND TRULY TUMOUR FREE.
And then I started to cry. And I don’t think I stopped for about an hour. And did it ever feel good to get it out.
I’m sure I’d been building to this moment over the last year or so . . . but something about that appointment on Wednesday really and truly signalled to me that this journey was really and truly over.
And then on Monday, I went to the gym. And the strength part of the workout had us doing 7 Toes to Bar every minute for 7 minutes. Toes to bar rank right up there with Pull Ups for me . . .I can maybe do them 1 at a time . . . . but FORTY NINE of them . . . in sets of SEVEN??? Not just one at a time?????
So I hopped up to the bar and with a new movement cue in my head, I gave it a go . . .and I did one . . .and another . . .and another . . . until I had done all SEVEN. IN A ROW.
A fluke I thought. But then in minute 2, I did the SAME THING.
And in minute 3 I did 5 and then 2. And so on until I had done all FORTY NINE.
And then I got it . . .movements like pull ups and toes to bar require the entire body to work together; brute strength in just one part of your body won’t help you . . .
And there it was. My second epiphany in as many days. In order to succeed in the gym OR in life, I need my entire body to work together. I can’t let just my brain or any other part of my body take over.
So. What did I “do” after having these epiphanies . . . well . . . I went on to my week. Thoroughly.
We’ve had simple meals. There have been no recipes. I’ve stuck to my general eating plan during the day, but at night, after the kids have gone to bed, there has been some wine. And some chocolate. There’s been longer sleep-ins (today was my first 4:30 wake up in a while). And there’s even been less time in the gym as I chose watching a 2nd performance of my son’s Christmas concert over a workout. Sure, I’ll get back to my normal routine soon. But for now, this is what feels good.